So again, even though I said I was going to be better, I have not blogged in about 6 months… Whew, life was a little crazy there for a while. I am definitely feeling blessed as I write this, as the reason for my departure from blogging was the influx of new patients and new clients. I feel honored to have worked with so many amazing and inspiring people over the last several months… BUT I hit a max point. I realized that I was cramming so much in to my days and weeks that I was missing out on doing things for my family and doing things for me. I wasn’t giving my patients or clients my best either. I was constantly stressed and feeling like I was basically just surviving, rather than thriving. I remember distinctly standing at the sink one night feeling inadequate and disintegrating into a puddle of tears. Something had to give. I didn’t feel like I was being a great mom, a great wife, a great friend, a great coach or a great therapist because I was spreading myself too thin. I felt like one more thing added, would have caused me to crack. I was forgetting to do things for the kids, wasn’t cooking as much, was skipping workouts, wasn’t seeing my friends, going to bed super late and waking up before early and filling every extra second of the day with extra work and stress and… it wasn’t sustainable. Yes back to that gem of a word I keep bringing up. Life needs to be SUSTAINABLE. Whether it be your nutrition plan, your workout plan, your family plan or your work plan… you have to be able to keep up and thrive, not just “survive”. You hit a point when you are overcommitting and you just. can’t. keep. up. Can I get an amen?
S was a great support and very bluntly said, “Just start saying no”. What simple, simple advice, and yet so impossible to do. How could I say no? Building up B&C had been my dream and here it was thriving… yet I wasn’t. I didn’t know quite what to do. In so many ways being busy was extremely rewarding. I was filling my days with talking and connecting to so many amazing people and helping them through some really tough times. I can’t tell you the elation I would feel watching my patients improve and my clients take control of their own lives. Yet, I was getting so busy, I wasn’t growing, improving or taking control of my own life. S had a really poignant comment that really struck home.. “For someone that controls their own schedule, you have one of the crappiest schedules around”. How true was that? I wasn’t scheduling time in to eat lunch, barely had bathroom breaks and was constantly running from one thing to the next. I knew I had to make a change. But what was I going to do? How was I going to make this happen?
It’s amazing how God really answer pleas and prayers. While I realized that I really needed to make a change, I didn’t know quite where to start. Well, he basically forced me into a decision through many different ways. First, we got pregnant with munchkin #3 and I knew I had to slow down to keep him healthy. Second, with this Foreign Service lifestyle comes a lot of transition periods where basically every summer people switch posts/countries. 75% of my patients were going to be leaving Lima in the next month, so I knew my workload would naturally decrease. And third, my lovely coworker at my other previously unmentioned embassy job told me that they were leaving unexpectedly early because her husband decided to retire. All of this pointed to stopping the therapy portion of B&C at the end of June. Hmmm… Well thanks big man for making that decision.
The month of June was a bit of a rollercoaster. Some days I was really happy and looking forward to the transition, while others, I just wondered if I was doing the right thing. I felt like I was “giving up” and add in the horrible feeling I got having to tell perspective patients no… Was this really the right thing for me?
Well here I am, on my second week of my new schedule and I can emphatically say YES! It was 100% the right decision for me. I feel like me again. I am getting my work done during normal hours, sleeping better, spending more quality time with my family, seeing my friends (I had 3, yes THREE, lunch dates this week) and dedicating some time every day for me. Today that included going to Crossfit, followed by a last minute brunch date with a friend and listening to Jen Hatmaker’s new podcast (don’t get me started on how amazing it is). Who am I? Maybe there is something to be said for this saying “No” thing…
I know a lot of times, in the crazy busy and information filled world we live in, we are constantly thinking about the next thing or what else we could or should be doing. Facebook says this person is doing all of this and Pinterest says I should be making this… Well I’m here to tell you to stop. Of course, we all have to do things for survival and to make a living. But when it comes to all of the extras, just. say. NO. Think it through, what makes you happy? Will the stress of trying to cram that extra thing in make you happy, or are you simply unable to say No? I know this mindset doesn’t fit for everyone, but I thought if I can help one person and make them feel supported in saying no like S did with me, then this entire post is worth it.
So what does this mean for B&C? A lot more blogging, a lot more recipe and meal plan making and a lot more fun posts. Therapy is something that I do truly love, but for me, for now, it wasn’t working. I know that after a little break, we will come back together stronger than ever.
And the main point of this post, I want to shout a huge THANK YOU to all my family, friends, patients and clients who have been there through this last crazy year. I truly value each and every relationship I have formed and will carry your impact with me forever 🙂